laying down all my rights

Preface: A few months ago, I declared myself to be "sensitive to gluten," which means that through experiments with what I ate, I discovered that foods with gluten in them made me feel terrible in many different ways. No need for full disclosure on exactly what I mean by that. Use your imagination if you must. Since the girls at work and I talk like schoolgirls constantly, they know this about me. Well, when the news of my mom's diagnosis got around, my very sweet and dear friend from work told me that I should just go and eat something with a lot of gluten in it because I "deserve" to. I know that this friend did not mean any harm on me by her comment because she is just darling and very loving. She just meant that I needed to indulge in something. However, I've been mulling this comment over in my head and making it into a life lesson.

Great Wall of Chocolate. PF Changs. A gigantic, 6 pound piece of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting complete with a side of chocolate chips, drizzled with raspberry sauce. A slice of heaven in my mouth, turmoil in my digestive system. I hope that's not what I deserve! Same goes for all of us when we say, "I deserve more/better/greater things!" I bet God cringes when He hears us saying that, since He sent His son to DIE so that we didn't get what we deserve.

If we really got what we deserve, we'd all hate our lives so much! I hope you realize you are asking for hell every time you ask God to give you what you deserve. It is only through His love, grace, and blessings that we are where we are. Ask for more of His grace, love, mercy, kindness, patience, courage, wisdom, or whatever else He may choose to give you in each new day! Imagine if you stopped thinking, "He'll give me what I deserve," and started praying, "God, give me more and more and more and more of YOU!"

Song lyrics help me all the time too. I've been listening to the Passion: White Flag CD on repeat lately. The song "Lay Me Down" is incredible. The one line that gets me is, "Letting go of my pride, laying down all my rights. Take this life and let it shine," followed by, "It will be my joy to say, 'Your will, Your way- always!"

I may be late to the game with this revelation, but my friend's good-intentioned comment began this thought, and The Hunger Games kind of brought it all together. I know, I learn my lessons through weird mediums. It's something I've always thought about, but everything that is happening with my mom is really just driving this home in my life right now. In my eyes, she so does not deserve to be diagnosed with breast cancer, facing a mastectomy on Friday, followed by chemo for six months. She does not deserve the pain, anxiety, "new" but not the best looking changes to her body, hospital bills, and all that will ensue after this weekend. She does deserve a house of her own, the ability to travel the world and experience new cultures, record a CD of her beautiful singing voice, and whatever else she could ever dream of having/doing. But that's what she deserves in my eyes, not His. 

I can't wait to see what He brings to her! What He brings is always exponentially greater than what we could EVER imagine, even from cancerous times.

Reminds me of another song... "Oh You Bring" by Hillsong United: "Oh You bring, hope to the hopeless. Light to those in the darkness/ Peace to the restless/ Joy to homes that are broken... I see You now. In You I'm found."

Let's grow in this together and see what He chooses to bring to us when we lay ourselves down for the glory of His name.

All my love, AJR